Small Steps to Big Results

Our extreme budgeting plan worked in some ways and kind of fell apart in others. Most importantly, we were able to pay off 2 small credit card balances and are now tackling the big credit card balance! The plan was to not withdraw any money from either checking account, but just live on the money we could make selling stuff on the local facebook groups and from a Wednesday night gig Scott has that pays $50. We did pretty well with it. We did not withdraw any cash from the ATM (except one time Scott did cause he wanted to go play poker but then he didn't go...). We sold lots of the kids outgrown clothes and my old iPhone on the local give and take groups and actually made a good amount of money. But the "using only the $50 from the Wednesday night gig" part kind of disintegrated into "using only the cash we get from gigs" so anytime Scott got cash instead of a check we would spend it. We are hopeless with cash in our pockets! I also got back into the couponing and have been doing really well with that. After about 2 years, I think I have finally figured out a system that works for me in terms of time, effort, and money.

The extreme budget turned out to be not so extreme but...it worked well for us. We still have tons of stuff to get rid of and sell, including all my old clothes from last spring and summer which are all way too big. We didn't take any money out of the bank so we were able to put the extra towards paying off credit cards. We didn't feel too deprived. So we are going to continue it this month, but in this more modified way. As long as I can quit buying stuff from the give and take groups and just concentrate on selling stuff! I love a bargain and I love to buy clothes for the kids - and now I love to buy myself clothes too!

Where I am calm - headed down the path to the lake!

I know I haven't been blogging on my weekly intention the past few weeks, but I'm still choosing an intention for the week every Monday in yoga class. This week's intention: "I am calm." I will not let things that happen or people upset me this week. I will try not to worry about EVERYTHING and take deep breaths when I start trying to over-think everything. It's weird because I think I am going to pick a certain intention for the week and then when I get to yoga class it feels like the intention picks me. Last week I was trying to choose "I am positive" but my mind kept changing it to "I am powerful." I liked that one. Last week I concentrated on feeling powerful physically and emotionally. The intentions may seem silly but they keep me focused during the week. I am discovering that it's important to have small, daily or weekly, goals when I want to make big changes.

Budget update and why Valentine's Day is stupid

We are 12 days in to the radical budget challenge and it has been surprisingly easy. We have had to put things off, and tell the kids no we can't go out to eat or go get ice cream, and plan our meals at home. I wouldn't want to do it all the time, but it's working for now. Scott even said something the other day about doing it for another month or every other month so we can save up more money. We know we will be replacing cars in the next few years so something like this may not be a bad idea. We'll see how we feel at the end of the month!

This week's intention came to me immediately in yoga class Monday morning. Usually I have to think about it for a few minutes before I decide, but this week it was just there. My intention is "I am loved." I know it sounds like that guy from the SNL skit ("and people like me!"), but I don't care. This week's intention came about because of stupid Valentine's day.

Here's why Valentine's day is stupid: I don't want a box of yucky milk chocolates or a dozen boring roses because the rest of society says he should give me this type of crap for one particular day of the year. I don't want to go to Olive Garden with the rest of the entire town and wait 2 hours (or more!) for a table. I would much rather he got me flowers one random day because he was thinking of me and thought I would like them. Or surprise me with a dinner out - and a babysitter! Or spend money on some really good dark chocolate when he knows I've had a bad day. These are way more romantic than being forced to be romantic on the same day of the year as everyone else. Anyway, Scott usually has a gig on V day. And that's fine with me. So this Valentine's I am going to take time to really appreciate the love given to me from the people I care about in life. I want to acknowledge and enjoy the love I receive from others - in my opinion, a much better way to celebrate this day. Oh, and make crafts with the kids. I've been Pinteresting a lot (pretty sure that's a verb now).

Radical budget update & a strong intention

Ok, so here's the update on operation radical budget. Only 4 days in and we are already learning a lot. We've already had 1 big fight about the money situation (but now we are ALL on board so hopefully we can work as a team). It's definitely a huge adjustment! I am looking at money a LOT differently right now. Here's the plan in case you missed the last post: for the month of February we are only going to spend $50 cash a week plus whatever money we can make from selling stuff we don't need anymore around the house. This way we can save up some money and get rid of some stuff. And maybe learn to live on a budget. I make budgets all the time, but we don't actually stick with them. If I really want to go buy some clothes, I go even if we don't have it in the budget. I just use the credit card. That's not going to happen this month! I know this budget is not sustainable (for one thing cause we will run out of stuff to sell eventually) but doing this every once in a while may be good for us.

We started out with some money left from last week...it's amazing how fast money can go when you are buying food for a family of 4. I had a girls night and a Super Bowl party planned for the weekend too. I budgeted these 2 events very carefully. At dinner, I only had one drink and a quesadilla a la carte with a side of guacamole. My bill was $12 with tip. Which was good cause I only had $20 and we needed to buy milk and newspapers the next day (for the coupons). For the Super Bowl party I used mostly what we already had in the fridge and pantry. I only had to spend a few dollars at the grocery store and be a little creative. By the end of the weekend we were completely out of money. This was actually really scary because I am determined to see this through the month and I didn't want to give up so early. I knew we would need money for the week - my kids eat more fruit than anyone I know! So I decided the first thing I would do is sell some of my couponing stock. I chose stuff I had tons of or stuff I bought but never used, or dragged home even though I didn't really need it because I made money on the item. I listed these items on our local swap n' shop facebook group. Within a few hours I had sold most of it. We have already made $30 today and will make another $20 tomorrow. So we planned a little trip to the grocery store!

Here's a few ways this is changing my thinking: I seriously considered what to order at the restaurant - I had to choose something weight watchers and wallet friendly. Normally I would just order whatever I wanted, including a few drinks. I would have gone out and bought a bunch of stuff for the Super Bowl party. It wasn't necessary. I already had the stuff at home to make plenty for everyone. My thinking has shifted to what's really important to purchase right now. I am much more aware of how much cash I have and what needs to be purchased. Anything else can wait.

This change really ties in well with my intention for last week: to be more aware. I thought of this intention often, especially when my mind really started going and wouldn't shut up. I tried to be more aware with my kids, when I was driving, at the gym, at work, and just enjoy what I was doing at the time I was doing it.

This week my intention is...I am strong. I am strong physically and getting stronger. I am strong emotionally and won't let the way other people decide to behave affect me. I am strong enough to continue with the weight watchers plan and work towards my goal. I am a strong mother for my kids. I am strong enough to keep up with this radical budget. Anytime I feel like I can't do it this week or start thinking badly of myself because I've made a mistake, I'm going to remember this week's intention. Wish me luck. I'll let you know how it goes!

Radical Budgeting

I really suck at sticking to a budget. It's hard when one income varies from month to month - when we have a lot of money coming in, we spend a lot of money, but when we don't have a lot coming in, we don't have the extra to cover the deficit. I am so tired of having a big bill come up and not be able to pay for it, then we have to pay with a credit card and make payments with interest. I really want to build at least a little bit of an emergency fund this year so that when we have a car repair, or a vet bill, or a house repair, we can just pay it.

So I was reading through some articles posted on Facebook from a few different budgeting sites, and I read about something that really sounded interesting to me. A woman said her family saves money in the months of January and February by selling items they don't need anymore. The only money they spend on any non-bill items comes from the sales of stuff from their house. Any money they would have usually allotted to groceries, clothes, entertainment, eating out, etc is put into savings. This way they declutter and build up a little savings at the beginning of the year.

I love this idea! I am very interested to see if we can do this. So we have decided to try it in the month of February and see how it goes. We are going to try and live on the cash my husband gets for a Wednesday night gig every week ($50) and whatever we can make for selling stuff like outgrown kids clothes (and my outgrown clothes that are now too big) and toys the kids don't play with anymore. Basically all the crap piled in my garage right now. So if you ask us to go out to eat or go shopping during the month of February we will probably say no. But if you want to come over for dinner or cards we will be happy to have you. I suspect trying this may change more than just our budget...so we'll see how it goes. I'll update each week on how we are doing.

The Awareness Intention

In some of my yoga classes, the instructor asks us at the beginning of class to set an intention for the class. It can be anything we want, just something for us to focus on for the class. Like, "I am strong" or "I am joyful", etc. I really like this idea and I now do this for every yoga class, not just when the instructor asks. Sometimes I have a hard time making my brain shut up and this helps me focus my mind on one thing for the class.

For the past few weeks in my Weight Watchers meetings our leader Julie has insisted that we write down at least one thing we are going to work on for the week. It can be small and simple, but we have to write it down - not just think it or say it. I have noticed that even if I don't do everything I'm supposed to do (in weight watchers terms) I usually do whatever I have written down. Last week it was more activity and this week it was planning meals.

This morning in my yoga class I was thinking that I was glad I had a class on Monday morning and what a good way to start the week. I set my intention for the class: "I am aware" (aware of my breathing, of the muscles in my body working, of the correct posture for the poses). I realized that setting an intention could not only work for the class but also for the whole week. So I'm going to try setting an intention for the week for the next few weeks and see how it goes. It seems to make a difference in Weight Watchers to write it down, so I thought I would write about it here so hopefully I will follow through.

So for this week I'm sticking with the awareness intention. I think this will be pretty tough for me. I am ALWAYS distracted and thinking about the next 5 things I need or want to do. I don't pay attention to what's going on around me because I am stuck in my own head. My goal this week is to be more aware and pay more attention to what's going on around me. Especially when it comes to my kiddos. I've been thinking a lot lately about changing some of the ways I deal with the kids, and some of the changes I've been making are definitely showing positive results, especially with Maddie. Part of this is thinking about what I'm saying to them before I open my mouth to say "in a minute" and paying more attention to the things they feel are important. So being more aware fits in really well with these changes I am trying to make.

I think sometimes there are harmonies in different aspects of life, and if you can feel them, you should pay attention and go with it.

Zuppa!

I love the Zuppa Toscana soup from Olive Garden. So when I saw a recipe for it on Pinterest I was so excited to try it - until I saw the amount of calories and fat. So I decided to try and make my own Weight Watchers version. The result was really yummy and so close in taste to the original. I couldn't wait to share this one!

	2 large uncooked potatoes
	1 large uncooked onion
	4 cups uncooked Swiss chard
	2 cups fat-free chicken broth
	4 cups water
	1 cup fat-free half-and-half
	2 garlic cloves
	5 links Butterball Italian Turkey Sausage

Instructions

• Cut potatoes in half lengthwise and slice thin. Cook potatoes in boiling water with chopped onion for about 10 minutes. Meanwhile, cook the italian sausage. Drain potatoes and onion and return to the pot with the water, chicken broth, and garlic. Bring to a boil, add chopped swiss chard and sausage. Reduce heat to low and cook about 10 min. Add the half and half and salt and pepper to taste. 

This recipe makes about 12 cups

1 cup = 4 points plus

Enjoy!

The Skinny on my New Year's Resolution

I'm back! I know all 4 of you who read my blog missed me :-)

It's been a while since I have posted - I have had a really rough few months emotionally and I haven't had the energy to share my thoughts (or cook, or coupon, or anything else interesting). I had to make some tough decisions and try to do what's best for me, which is not something that comes naturally to me. I went through a hard time for a while and did a lot of thinking about what's important to me.

            Number one most important: my husband and kids. Period. Everyone else comes after them.

Another conclusion I have made after all this soul searching: life is too short to spend time with people who make you feel bad, whether they mean to or not. I'm talking about people who are not supportive, who always have a negative comment, who aren't happy with their own lives and thus feel the need to make everyone else miserable too. If I am your friend or family, I have your back. I will support you any way I can. I will help you if you need help. I will not expect you to be perfect and will be there for you when you need it. I won't let you cry alone if you need a shoulder to cry on. I don't want to surround myself with people who don't feel the same way about their relationships with friends and family. It's a two way street, and I will no longer be bending over backwards trying to make other people happy. I'm going be make myself happy and surround myself with people who are loving, caring, positive, open, and supportive. I am truly blessed to have a lot of these people in my life, many of whom have helped me through the last few months.

This year I have an unusual New Year's resolution. I was thinking about the phrase, "a new year, a new me." I have learned through making a big physical change that the "new me" is still the same old me. I still have all the same problems and joys in life I did before the change. So my goal this year is, "a new year, embracing ME." This year will be about embracing and encouraging who I am, faults and all. I'm not going to try and change who I am to make anyone else happy. I'm not listening to any more negativity from my inner self or anyone else.

I also survived the holidays and all the food, and overall I maintained my weight. I'm not very happy with no real weight loss since October, but no real weight gain either, so I begin 2013 proud of my 50 lb weight loss in 2012 and ready to get back on track and moving towards my goal weight.

Superwoman

Here are just some of the things I feel I am supposed to do in my daily life:

As a Parent:

Be an a fun parent who is strict enough but not too strict.
Read parenting books so I know what the hell to do when my kids are misbehaving or doing something weird. Then feel guilty because I do a lot of the things the parenting books say not to do.
Come up with cute crafts and projects for my kids and I to do together.
Come up with interesting educational stuff for my kids and I to do together.
Write down all the cute stuff my kids say so I don't forget these precious days when they are saying cute stuff.
Take pictures and videos of my kids so I can go back and remember how cute and lovable they were when they are teenagers and not so cute and lovable.
The previous 2 include keeping up with their baby books.

At Home:

Balance our household budget (never really knowing what our income will be from month to month), pay all the bills, and keep us out of debt.
The above also requires me to keep up with all the piles of mail.
Plan healthy meals everyone will eat.
Shop at the grocery store for ingredients for the healthy meals, buying only the stuff on sale and with coupons to stay in budget.
Cook the healthy meals everyone probably won't eat.
Keep my house clean. Except for (usually) dishes and laundry. On the weekend, try to figure out where all the crap that piles up all week should go. Stay organized.
Maintain the yard - landscaping, green grass, rake leaves, decorate for holidays, etc. Except mowing.
Be crafty. Knit or scrapbook or sew or something.

Personally:

Eat healthy and exercise. At least 5 times a week.
Take all the various vitamins I should be taking.
Take care of my body when everything hurts, which is often. Especially when it rains.
Plan date nights with my husband.
Do romantic things for my husband.
Be romantic with my husband.

At Work:

Work full time. Though I am lucky and really like my job, so most of the time I look forward to it. But I still have to be there 40 hours a week, including some nights and Saturdays.
Figure out how to balance my schedule with my husband's schedule, which changes every single week. And make sure someone is around to watch the kids or we can take them somewhere to be watched.
At work - be productive, be a leader, particpate in committees and groups, come up with innovative ideas and interesting programs, deal with pissed off people, try to keep everyone motivated, try to stay motivated myself, do all my work and help with the everyday stuff that has to get done, answer emails in a timely manner, make and keep professional connections, participate in outreach opportunities, etc.

Socially:

Watch the news or read a newspaper so I can act like I know what's going on when someone asks me about the election/economic crisis/weather/crisis in whatever country.
Do fun and active stuff on the weekends - festivals, parks, birthday parties, the zoo, the lake, etc. yes, a lot of the time these are things I don't want to do. I just want to stay home. Because my house needs to be cleaned.
Participate in whatever family stuff is going on - and people, I have a lot of families. Who don't usually like to do things together. Like birthday parties or holidays. So I get to run around to everyone's houses.
Stay in touch with my friends and know what's going on in their lives so I can be a good friend to them. My friends are the ones who don't put pressure on me to do stuff, and where does that get them? On the bottom of the list. I'll fit you in when I can cause I know you won't guilt trip me if I don't.
Remember everyone's birthdays for my entire family and most of Scott's; send them cards and/or gifts.
Send thank you cards.
Volunteer to help those who have less than me.

Yes, I'm whining. I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm not looking for people to feel sorry for me, though. I am just figuring this out for myself. Because I CAN'T DO IT. It is completely impossible for me to accomplish all these things. And yet I keep running in circles trying to make everyone happy, trying to be the person I need to be for whoever needs me at that moment - a good wife, a good mother, a good daughter, a good co-worker, a good person. I'm not sure if I'm doing this to myself or if society is doing this to me or if it's both. But guess what? I fail at being superwoman.

Here's what I want to do:

Read.
Sleep.
Write.
Have a dance party with only me and the kids.
Watch a football game with my friends.
Sleep.
Read.
Have a glass of wine every night.
Eat something unhealthy.
Watch a movie.
Be left alone.

And here's the conclusion I have come to in light of recent events: I'm going to start doing more of what I want to do. And if anyone thinks that makes me a bad parent, or a bad wife, or a bad daughter, or a bad person - I really don't care. Becaue I am killing myself trying to do everything and be everything. So next time I might tell you no, instead of saying yes and then resenting having to go or dragging my kids somewhere when they are tired and hungry or forgetting to show up at all. Then I am going to stay home, drink a glass of wine, and read.

The yoga itch: my new addiction

Today I had a new experience. I haven't been able to get to a yoga class in a week. Today my muscles itched - I can't think of a better way to describe it. Like I was going through some kind of withdrawal. Every time I bent down to put a book away, or carried a big stack of books to the desk, my muscles would get all excited thinking I was going to start working them out. Then they would feel all itchy and I would need to bend or stretch a little to get them to settle down. Those of you who work out on a regular basis - do you know what I'm talking about? Does this happen to you? It's the weirdest feeling! Tonight I came home and did some yoga on my own and it felt SO GOOD. My muscles were like, oh thank God!

I think I'm going to just start doing my own routine at home. It's so hard for me to get to classes with my schedule and Scott's schedule. I have yet to find a yoga video I like. I found this website http://www.yogajournal.com/poses/sequence_builder where you can build your own routine.

It makes me think about how I'm changing and how I felt when I started. I remember thinking after my first class that I would never be able to do those poses all the way through. I couldn't breathe in child's pose. I couldn't imagine ever being able to hold plank. I remember the yoga instructor telling us to tighten our stomach muscles and I tried but I couldn't even tell if they were tightening or not. I thought, "what stomach muscles"? If it wouldn't have been for the little resting part at the end where you get to lay there and feel your body all warm and stretched out, I don't think I would have gone back.

I love many different aspects of yoga. Many of these came much later, 6-9 months into my yoga practice, like the breathing and the spiritual aspect - mostly due to one amazing instructor. But I think the best thing is how you can see how much stronger you are every time you practice. It's not a cardio class where you just repeat the same routine over and over. I went from not being able to do anything to being able to hold downward facing dog for more than a few seconds, then holding plank for a few seconds, then seconds turned into minutes, and I could do upward facing dog, and finally I could breathe when I was in child's pose (partially due to the weight loss, I'm sure). I could feel myself getting stronger with every tiny goal I accomplished and I was able to do more every week. This is the best feeling - my body getting stronger and stronger. I can feel my stomach muscles now! And with yoga there is really no end to the challenges you can give yourself. And who wouldn't love an exercise routine that includes, as a friend of mine put it, "a little nap at the end"?

Quinoa, or as Carter says, Keeen-WAAAaa

I spent Labor Day with family and friends and ate lots of stuff I shouldn't have - hot dogs, brownies (my mom made them so I CANNOT RESIST), and lots of chips. We played a lot too - swam, kayaked, walked - so I would like to think it all evened out, but I doubt it. It's cool with me though, I had a great weekend and I can start over with counting and measuring today. Even if I gain I will lose it again next week. I enjoyed every bite this weekend! Totally worth it.

 

In the kayak with Carter - we loved it!

 

I made an awesome dinner tonight and just have to share! Wish I had pictures but we ate most of it. I made chicken enchiladas (8 points) and Mexican quinoa (3 points). I made it because I had leftover chicken from the tacos we made this weekend. I love making chicken tacos - so super easy! Here's how I made the chicken: put a bunch of chicken breasts in the crock pot. Sprinkle with some kind of Mexican seasoning. Top with a can of diced tomatoes. Turn it on low and leave it alone for 6-8 hours. This makes the BEST chicken for tacos!

Here's the recipe for the Chicken Enchiladas:

Ingredients:

	3 cups shredded chicken (if you don't have crock pot chicken you can use the chicken from a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store)
	1 small onion
	1 medium green pepper
	1 can diced tomatoes
	1 cup fat free salsa
	3 Tbsp reduced-fat sour cream
	1 cup shredded reduced-fat Mexican-style cheese
	3 Tbsp cilantro
	6 medium flour tortillas

Instructions:
Saute green pepper and onion over medium heat for 5 minutes with any desired spices (cumin, chili powder, garlic). Add cooked shredded chicken to heat. Place a heaping 1/2 cup of the chicken mixture in each tortilla and roll up, placing face down in a pan. Mix together sour cream, tomatoes, cilantro and salsa. Pour over the enchiladas. Top with 1 cup cheese. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes.

Here's the recipe for the Mexican Quinoa:

 

After many failed attempts at making quinoa, I finally got it right tonight! My conclusion from my failures: don't put any other stuff in the quinoa (other than water or broth and spices) when it's cooking and cook it till the water is gone even if the recipe says 15 minutes. If you want to add other stuff add it at the end. My kids love saying quinoa..."Mom, can I have more keeen-waaaaaaaaa?" They compete to see who can say the "waaaa" part the longest.

Ingredients:

1 cup(s) uncooked quinoa

2 cup(s) fat-free reduced-sodium chicken broth

1 tsp ground cumin    

1 tsp chili powder    

1 tsp garlic powder    

1/2 tsp garlic salt    

Instructions:

Rinse quinoa and toast over medium heat in a saucepan for a few minutes until it starts to brown. Add spices and stir. Add chicken broth and cook, covered on low heat for 25 minutes.

Serving sizes are: one enchilada and one half cup quinoa. 11 points total for both and it's a lot of food! I thought this was one of the best dinners I have made that didn't come from a cookbook. 

Why Bob is no longer my friend

I love watching the Biggest Loser. I love any show about transformations - people, houses, rooms - especially ones where they clean up and organize a room. I used to be one of the people who would sit on the couch and eat ice cream while watching the poor people on the Biggest Loser sweat and cry. I would think, "I can do that. And I will start tomorrow, or next week, or sometime in the future, but right now I am going to enjoy this bowl of ice cream." It was nice this past season to watch the Biggest Loser and think, "I am finally doing it too! Not as fast as they are, but I am seeing results." The future had finally arrived.

One of my favorite reasons to watch the Biggest Loser was Bob Harper. I love the way he pushes people really hard but also seems to be understanding about whatever they are going through and provides a shoulder to cry on. Plus, he's nice to look at. He recently released a book called, "The Skinny Rules," which I was excited to read and see what wisdom he had to share after so many seasons on the show. As I read the book, I grew increasingly more angry and disappointed. There are 20 "Skinny Rules" in the book, and some of them are great advice:
Don't drink your calories.
Drink a glass of water before every meal.
Get rid of fast foods and fried foods.
Eat a real breakfast.
Plan one splurge meal a week.
Make your own food and eat at least 10 meals a week at home.

But some of them are ridiculous:
No more added sweeteners, including artificial ones.
Go to bed hungry.
No carbs after lunch.
Eat apples and berries every single day.
Get rid of white potatoes. (!)

AND THERE ARE 20 OF THEM. 20 rules to follow and remember to become skinny. So here's why I'm mad: Lots of people love Bob Harper. I'm sure lots of people ran out and bought his book. And lots of people probably tried to follow "the skinny rules." And I'm positive most of those people were not able to do so. All these people who love him, all his fans who want to lose weight - he is setting them up to fail. His rules are not realistic for people living a real life!! Who the hell can not eat any carbs after breakfast, not eat anything sweetened, go to bed hungry, etc, etc. When you have small children, work full time, have to grab food on the go sometimes, and have a real life I just don't think it's possible to follow all these rules.

When you are trying to lose weight, you have to have a plan that is reasonable and create habits that become the way you eat every day. You have to be able to accomodate real life situations. You can't expect to be able to follow a set of 20 rules like these and keep it up for a lifetime. Way to fail, Bob. You are no longer my friend. And I wonder - how many of those Biggest Loser contestants keep the weight off? I bet not many.

The Big 4-0

Today was an important day for me in my weight loss journey. Today my weight loss total was over 40 lbs.

This is important because:
1. This is the lowest weight I have ever been in my adult life. Including high school and college.
2. I lost 40 lbs, people!! That's the same weight as a Maddie!


Taken tonight by my personal photographer, Maddie. I think I closed my eyes...

It's kind of surreal. 40 pounds seems like a LOT of weight. But in a lot of ways I was still seeing myself in the same way - I was still seeing all my problem areas. Today I looked in the mirror and for the first time I really saw my new, skinnier self instead of the person I have always seen. It's like I passed a magic number (for me, anyway) and the blinders came off.

If any of you are reading this and looking for some tips on how I did it, here are a few (but they probably aren't anything new):
1. Drink lots of water. It seems stupid but it really does help you feel more full.
2. Eat whatever you want for one day a week. Losing weight is hard work and sometimes you need a break. I need a break once a week. One day a week where I don't have to measure, count, and record. One day a week where I can have a hamburger and ice cream. I don't go overboard - mostly because overdoing it or eating a lot of greasy food doesn't sound that good to me anymore. But I eat whatever I'm craving.
3. Try to pay attention to whether you are really hungry - if you are wandering around in the kitchen at 10 pm opening and shutting the fridge and pantry doors, you probably aren't. Go paint your toenails or give yourself a facial instead.
4. Find something, anything, you like to do that keeps you active at least a little bit. Don't force yourself to do something you hate. Even if its gardening, or playing in the yard with your kids, or taking a 15 minute walk at lunchtime to get away from work - anything active. And keep doing it.
5. DON'T GIVE UP. I have bad days. I have bad weeks. But you get new days and new weeks. Keep trying and the weight will come off. Even if it's half a pound a week - in a year that's 26 pounds.
6. Find someone to do it with you. I wouldn't have done this without my mom and my friend Karen's support. I wouldn't have done it at all if mom hadn't asked me to go with her. Thanks, mom!
7. Don't look at what you can't have. Don't even think of it that way. You can have it - in moderation. Split a dessert with someone, or several someones. Order the appetizer or kids size hamburger. If you say "I can't" all the time you will convince yourself you are deprived of what you really want and you won't stick with it. Also, people won't want to hang out with you if all you do is bitch about what you can't have.
8. Try new things. I have discovered that I LOVE greek yogurt and corn tortillas (not necessarily together). Both of them are very low in points. I have also discovered I'm not a fan of anything with the word "fiber" in the title. You don't want to know why. But it's good to go outside the box sometimes and find new stuff to eat.
9. Try to plan ahead. Still working on this one myself. I wouldn't have lost 40 pounds without the help of Lean Cuisine and Healthy Choice. Try to keep a few things around in case of emergency - no time to make something to eat. I keep hummus, greek yogurt, eggs, cut up veggies, etc available - high protein and I can grab it fast if I need to.
10. Use the high point stuff sparingly, but use it. Bulk up on the 0 point (veggies and fruits) foods. For example, you can make a huge omelet with an egg, some extra egg whites, lots of veggies and a little ham and cheese. I also like the bacon bits in a jar - they add a lot of flavor for little points. I also like using cheese with lots of flavor - like blue cheese or feta cheese on my salad. I would rather eat a little of the full fat stuff than a lot of the fat free stuff.

So that's a little of what I have learned and what has worked for me. Only 25 pounds to go until I make my goal weight!

Grandparental love

Not sure if grandparental is a word, but if not it won't be the first word I made up. I am not in a happy place today. Scott's grandpa, Gigi, died yesterday. Scott was very close to him and everyone in the family loved him so much - he was funny, talented, loving, entertaining, and just a good man. I think part of the reason Scott and I have a lot of the same values and probably part of the reason we got together and stayed together has to do with the part our grandparents played in our lives. So today I've been thinking a lot about grandparents, and how important their role is in the lives of their grandchildren.

I don't know if I can explain this without offending anyone who may read it - but a disclaimer: I do not wish to offend or bring up anything painful. It's the truth for me, but it may not be for you, and that's ok. For me personally, my grandparents played a huge role in my life. Here's the truth: I have daddy issues. I have never been a daddy's girl, I don't know what that's like, and I am jealous of people who do. I didn't begin a relationship with my biological dad until I was 16. I grew up with a stepdad who adopted me when I was 3. I have no doubt he loved me, and still loves me. But I also have no doubt he felt a different kind of love for his own children, my little sisters. Whether he meant to or not, I was treated differently. The same thing happens on the other side, with my biological dad. I didn't really know him until I was 16. I never had a chance to go through all the things daughters go through with their dads when they are little. I never developed that special father daughter bond with him, and for that I am sad, but I know it is what it is - you can't go back and change the past. I don't know if my sisters know how lucky they are to have that bond, something they have always known and never doubted. There's lots more to this story but it's in the past and I don't blame anyone for how it all worked out. We are human and shit happens and doesn't always work out the way we want it to. And if I didn't have my life and experiences, I wouldn't be the person I am today. And I like the person I am today. Despite lots of growing pains in our relationships, I am lucky enough to have all my dads involved in my life and my children's lives. It does make for an interesting trip to CVS every year to pick out cards on father's day...most of them don't really fit.

However, my stepdad's parents - my grandparents - never treated me any differently. They accepted me when I was 3 as their own and loved me unconditionally from day 1. Children can feel the difference when they are loved in such an unconditional way. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents when I was growing up and to this day have a fierce and protective love for them - because of the way they loved me, because they gave me stability I needed growing up, because they are amazing people.  Especially my Grandpa - so I guess you could say I'm a Grandpa's girl instead of a daddy's girl.

Scott also spent a lot of time with his grandparents. He talks a lot about spending time at their general store, about funny stuff Gigi said or did, about Christmases filled with music and laughter. His grandparents, like mine, were married for over 60 years. Though they are very different in where they came from and how they lived their lives, the basic values were the same. The memories they created for us were invaluable.

Grandparents provide us with such an incredible relationship. They may be unconventional, or they may be straight out of a storybook, but (for the most part; I know everyone has different experiences) they are there for their grandchildren. They provide that soft place to land, they cheer us on in life, they are available to encourage us or help us out. I could always go to my grandparents house and find a connection with myself as a little girl through them. It's a different relationship than the one we often have with our parents - not so difficult to navigate, especially during those teen years when you are temporarily insane from hormones. Today, I watch my mom with my children and my heart melts to see her creating that special relationship with them.

So, if you still have your grandparents in your life, give them a call this week and tell them you love them. Tell them how much they mean to you and how much they have done for you in your life. If you don't have them with you anymore, stop and reflect on a memory or two in appreciation. In honor of Gigi.

Gigi - I hope there is REALLY good wine in heaven. They are lucky to have you - and your fiddle - to entertain them up there.

This is why it's addictive...

Not food. Couponing. On Sunday I saved 90%. This is rare, but it happens! Total retail was $121.73 and my total (with tax!!) was 12.81. Here's a picture of what I bought:

If you want to know exactly how I did it (Shelly and Karen), I will break it down for you here. If you don't care, you can just marvel at my amazing coupon abilities and skip the rest of this post.

I get almost all my coupon matchups from The Krazy Coupon Lady (not me).

Keep in mind, my total savings reflects the CVS Extra Bucks (EB) and Walgreens Register Rewards (RR) for each item.

CVS

Transaction #1

Spend $30.00, Receive $10.00 Extra Bucks (Tide, Gillette, and Aussie, etc.)

Tide or Gain Liquid Detergent, 48-64 loads $11.94
Spend $30.00, Receive $10.00 Extra Bucks
Use $.75/1 Tide Detergents manufacturer's coupon

And use $3 off $10 Tide CVS Coupon from the Magic Coupon Machine at CVS

Gillette ProSeries Shave Gel  $4.89
Spend $30.00, Receive $10.00 Extra Bucks
Use $1.00/1 Gillette Fusion ProSeries Skin Care Item or Gillette Fusion ProGlide Shave Prep, excludes trial/travel size, limit of 4 like coupons in same shopping trip from PG 7/29 (exp 8/31)

Puffs Plus Tissues $1.50

Use $1 off $5 Gillette, Puffs, etc. CVS Coupon from the Magic Coupon Machine at CVS

Aussie or Herbal Essences Shampoo or Conditioner, 10.1-13.5 oz, or Styler, 6-14 oz $2.99 (buy 4)
Use 2 $3.00/2 Herbal Essences or Aussie products, excluding trial/travel size, limit of 4 like coupons in same shopping trip from RP 8/5 (exp 9/30)

And use 2 $1 off 2 Aussie CVS Coupon from the Magic Coupon Machine at CVS

AND use $3 off $15 CVS Coupon from the Magic Coupon Machine at CVS

AND use $3 EB from transaction #1

AND Use $5 Extra Bucks (EB) I got for filling prescriptions at CVS
Total: Spent $5.54, got $10 back in EBs 

Transaction #2

Buy 3 Nature Valley Protein Bars $2.00
Buy 2 General Mills Milk ‘n Cereal Bars $2.00
Spend $10.00, Receive $3.00 Extra Bucks, Limit 1
Use 3 $1/1 Nature Valley Protein bars (I got these from the desk at the YMCA)

And use two $0.50/1 – Cinnamon Toast Crunch Treats, Cocoa Puffs Treats, Lucky Charms Treats, Golden Grahams Treats, Chex Mix Treats or Milk ‘n Cereal Bars – (coupons.com)

Buy 2 Maybelline Volume Express Mascara $5.00
Spend $10.00, Receive $3.00 Extra Bucks, Limit 1
Use 2 $1.00/1 Maybelline New York Mascara from RP 8/5 (exp 10/5)
And use $2.00/$10 Cosmetic Purchase, CVS Coupon Machine

Bic Sensitive Skin Disposable Razors, 12 ct. $3.99 or Silky Touch Disposable Shavers, 10 ct
Buy One Get One 50% Off
Use 2 $3.00/1 Bic Disposable Razor, Limit 4 per shopping trip from SS 8/5 (exp 9/2)

AND Use $10 Extra Bucks (EB) from transaction #1

Final Price: Spent $1.99, got back $6 EBs

Transaction #3

Leggs tights on clearance 75% off: $1.62

Hanes underwear on clearance 75% off: $1.99

Use $3 Extra Bucks (EB) from transaction #2

    Final Price: Spent $.61

TOTAL AT CVS: $8.14 with $3 EB left for next week :-)

Walgreens

Transaction #1

Carmex Healing Cream or Ointment, 4 oz or Lotion, 5.5 oz $4.99
Buy 1, Receive $4.00 Register Reward

And use $1 on one Carmex cream printed coupon

Lipton Tea, 20 oz $0.99
Buy 1, Receive $0.99 Register Reward
Pay $0.99, Receive $0.99 Register Reward

W Perfection Tampons, 8 ct $1.50
Buy 1, Receive $1.50 Register Reward
Pay $1.50, Receive $1.50 Register Reward
Final Price: Spent $6.48, got $6.49 RR

Transaction #2

Lanacane with Aloe Spray, 3.5 oz $6.00
Buy 1, Receive $6.00 Register Reward
Pay $6.00, Receive $6.00 Register Reward
Final Price: Free

Buy 2 memo pads $.49 each filler items (and made Maddie and Carter happy)

Use $6.49 Extra Bucks (EB) from transaction #1

Final Price: Spent $.49 got $6 RR

Transaction #3 (repeat of #1)

Carmex Healing Cream or Ointment, 4 oz or Lotion, 5.5 oz $4.99
Buy 1, Receive $4.00 Register Reward
And use $1 on one Carmex cream printed coupon

Lipton Tea, 20 oz $0.99
Buy 1, Receive $0.99 Register Reward

W Perfection Tampons, 8 ct $1.50
Buy 1, Receive $1.50 Register Reward
Pay $1.50, Receive $1.50 Register Reward

Use $6 Extra Bucks (EB) from transaction #2
 Final Price: Spent $.48, got $6.49 RR

TOTAL AT Walgreens: $7.45 with $6.49 RR left for next week :-)

Whew! My head is spinning! But my wallet is full.



Shameless Parenting

I read an article today that really made me stop and think:
Raising Successful Children

I know none of us are perfect parents. I try to be an excellent parent. I (most of the time) am honest with my children, consistent with rules and consequences, loving and encouraging, feed them nutritious food, teach them important things like their phone number and address (you would not believe how many children don't know their phone number and address!) and read to them every day. I truly try not to helicopter and let them make their own mistakes. But I also have my faults and I am acutely aware of them even when I am actively screwing up, and it doesn't seem to stop me. I yell at them when I am frustrated. I spend way too much time in front of screens, either phone, computer, or TV. I put them in front of the TV too much. I don't play with them enough - just get down on the floor and play. I spend way too much time wrapped up in my "to-do" list. I tell them "in a minute" ALL the time. There's more, but you get the picture.

I was thinking while I was reading this article...people can change. I have changed. I look at my body differently. I eat and exercise differently, and I cannot imagine ever going back to being over 200 lbs. So it IS possible to change if you really want to make the effort.

I noticed the other day that Maddie has become very full of herself. She's smart, sarcastic, easily frustrated, and she's bossy. This combination may not be such a great one if she wants to make friends when school starts. And according to the article, this is partly (mostly) our fault for telling her how fabulous she is all the time (because, of course, she is amazing and fabulous). I tried explaining to her last night how important it is to be kind to others rather than trying to seem like the smartest one in the room all the time. So maybe I should start praising her for being kind instead of being smart.

From the article, "A loving parent is warm, willing to set limits and unwilling to breach a child’s psychological boundaries by invoking shame or guilt. Parents must acknowledge their own anxiety." I have a lot of anxiety and feel that I was raised to feel a lot of shame and guilt (sorry mom, but really, most people are). This quote really struck me. I definitely use shame when parenting ("Maddie, how could you color on the wall, you know better!" or even worse "Maddie how could you let your brother color on the wall, you know better!). I don't like the way shaming my children into good behavior makes me feel. And now I think I understand why: I am forcing my own anxiety onto them. And that really, for lack of a better word at the moment, sucks.

"The happiest, most successful children have parents who do not do for them what they are capable of doing, or almost capable of doing; and their parents do not do things for them that satisfy their own needs rather than the needs of the child."

So much easier said than done. But recognizing where the behavior is coming from (and I mean my behavior) is a beginning. And as I have learned from my weight loss journey, it all starts with a few small steps and a committment to making a change.

I think I saw an ab!

I am so excited. I love the way my body is changing through yoga. When I started doing yoga, I couldn't do most of the poses at all. I couldn't hold plank or do an up dog or balance for very long on one leg. When I did the breathing, I couldn't seem to breathe deep enough to get my stomach to fill up. On Wednesday night, the yoga instructor said to put our hands on our stomachs to feel our breathing (we were laying on the floor) - and I put my hand where I thought my stomach should be and was surprised to find it much lower. It was kind of like when you don't see a curb or step coming and your foot steps down and it makes you freak out a little because you weren't expecting it and think you might fall down. I put my hands in the right spot and - whoa! - they moved down lower than I was expecting.

Then today I was changing in the locker room at the Y after yoga and I was sucking in my stomach so other people wouldn't see the roll and when I looked in the mirror I was like..."what's that line on my stomach...OMG! I think it's the beginning of some abs!! Whoo-hoo! I have an ab line!" It's a very flabby looking ab line...BUT IT'S THERE. Whose body is this? Oh yeah, it's mine!

Just Keep Swimming...

Last week I gained .2 at Weight Watchers. It doesn't seem like a lot, but it was only my second gain since I started. The gain was a result of my not tracking my points and a very teenager like attitude of "I want to eat what I want, when I want, and in the amounts I want." Since I've been doing Weight Watchers for so long, this is not as bad as it could be. Last weekend I was remembering what it was like to eat whatever the hell I wanted. Fondly remembering. Sometimes I just want to go get a hamburger and fries (and not the happy meal size). And then follow that up with a big cup of frozen custard. And maybe some pizza. Or a donut. But only from the donut place across the street from the library - where I work!! But I don't - well, usually I don't. Or if I do the hamburger just isn't very good after the first few bites, or the french fries are cold, and I wonder why I wanted them in the first place. (I have to say though, the donuts are always worth it).

On Saturday I went to buy some new clothes - and was very pleasantly surprised to find size 14s were loose and I could squeeze into a size 12. I started out this journey a size 18/20. So I know it's working, slowly but surely, and there are results worth not getting the hamburger. On Sunday I started counting my points again and getting back on track.

My point is there are always times when I want what I shouldn't have. There are always times when I'm tired of doing the work and want to just say "f*** it" and give up. And sometimes I do - for a little while. But I always manage to get back on track and keep moving forward. That's what matters - not the fall, but the getting back up again.

My daughter, the vegetarian

My daughter is 4 years old. A few months ago she started asking me questions about where the meat we eat comes from. I always want to be as honest as possible with my children, so I told her. We would be eating dinner and she would ask, "What animal does this come from?" and I would tell her - a chicken, or a cow, or a pig. Then one day she tells me "Mama, I don't want to eat animals anymore. I don't want animals to be killed because I am eating them." So I explained to her that many people feel this way and they are called vegetarians. She was thrilled to find out there were other people in the world who felt the same way she did and that she had a name for it now. (In my head, I was thinking - uh-oh maybe I shouldn't have been so honest...). 

She has not eaten meat for 2 months now. Not even Chik-Fil-A or McDonalds. I am impressed with her determination to stick with her beliefs at the age of 4! But sometimes it can be hard to find recipes to make everyone happy. Of course my son wants to eat nothing but meat. I don't want to cook separate meals for her, so I have to either cook a vegetarian recipe everyone will eat, or cook a recipe that will allow the meat to be added separately. Oh, and it has to be points plus friendly for me. Here's a  vegetarian egg casserole that was successful in making everyone happy. Which I only need to try and do every day...

Vegetarian Egg Casserole 

(5 points plus value per serving)

Ingredients

	6 oz bread stuffing dry mix
	1 cup shredded reduced-fat Mexican-style cheese
	2 cups low-fat milk
	1 can cream of mushroom soup
	6 large eggs
	1/4 cup uncooked onions
	1/2 cup uncooked broccoli
	1/2 cup red bell pepper
	1 tsp garlic salt
	1 tsp Italian seasoning
	12 oz Boca Meatless Ground Crumbles

Instructions

• Heat oven to 350. Spray a 13x9 pan with cooking spray. Add stuffing mix, boca crumbles, veggies and cheese. Mix remaining ingredients in a bowl and pour over ingredients in the pan. Cook uncovered for 50 minutes. Let sit a few minutes before serving. Note: you can add other veggies to this dish, whatever you have on hand!
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